View Full Version : Find The Poison...
02-08-2007, 06:10 PM
Goraikou Keitaro: http://www.narutorp.net/showthread.php?t=18545
Zenshin Guukan: http://www.narutorp.net/showthread.php?t=12305
Two Rain shinobi are sent to investigate a sudden outbreak of rare plants used within Amegakure. Once they arrive, they quickly discover it's a trap and an ambush by the dreaded Rain military occurs. Violence follows and then the two shinobi head home.
02-08-2007, 09:12 PM
Mine! Mine! Mine!
Technical Quality: 13/20. A nice way of writing, Aces shows his character's true nature with loyalty to his clan and a very interesting way of thinking. All in all, I enjoyed reading this character.
Quantity/Length: 12\20. Above average posts, their length was good- And wasn't filled with stuff people usually put just to make it look longer.
Roleplaying/Combat: 14/20. Well, it's always fun fighting NPCs, since you're the one controlling them, lol. No surprises were left to you, however you used your jutsu quite reasonably well. I liked it.
Now, I've been pondering this for quite a bit- 2 points or 3? On one hand, your ratings just barely measure up to a 3 pointer, and on the other, it was only a 20 post thread... Eventually, I chose 2 points. Sorry, but the thread was a bit short. 1 can be used for jutsu.
Technical Quality: Not much that I can say here, your writing was just a tid bit above average. Did I see real effort to excel in writing? No, but I did see a fun thread being played, and seeing that even effortless you present your readers with good writing, you get a 12/20.
Quantity/Length: Post length was fine, though I saw nothing spectacular. 12/20.
Roleplaying/Combat: I always like to see puppeteers fight, as they are constantly handicapped- the moment they themselves are in the line of fire is the moment they perish. You, however, played your character nicely, and the puppets were used well. 14/20.
2 points, 1 to be used for jutsu.
Whooo, go White.
+1 to Stamina and:
Puppet Senses III
Requirements: Power 9, Control 9, Tactics 7
Description: At this level, the puppeteer gains the ability to hear sounds that are made within five yards of the puppet, though this sound is slightly muted and will not transmit the effects of Sound techniques. The Puppeteer can now see through his Puppet while keeping his eyes open, but he is only vaguely aware of his surrounding, making him an easy target if he is out in the open.
02-09-2007, 12:33 AM
Thanks for the rating Whitey. The feedback certainly helps me know I'm going in the right direction.
Anyway, I'll take + 1 to Stamina and this swap into Stage 5 of Global Genjutsu...
Maboroshi no Tsumeato (Visions of the Scar: Part 2)
Requirements: Genmu no Henshuubyou (Visions of Paranoia)
Replacing: Control 17, Power 16, Reserves 16, Willpower 15
This genjutsu initiates once the opponents notice the scar on Keitaro's face. Once this happens, the target is trapped. First, he will begin to feel as if something is in their eye. Their vision will become blurred and it will be very difficult to see anything clearly. On the second post the eyes will begin to burn and the target will lose their vision completely. Should the opponent rub their eyes at any point, fake blood would appear on their hands to further the illusion. The number of the targets effected by this jutsu is limited to the amount of targets who see Keitaro's scar after he's performed the first handseal.
Base Duration: 3 posts
Genmu no Henshuubyou (Visions of Paranoia)
Requirements: Control 17, Power 16, Reserves 16, Willpower 15
Description: This is an area effect that once the victim(s) have entered the area, for four posts they start to think that there are things watching them. The area effect makes it looks like there are shinobi in the trees or hiding. When seen through the corner of the eye they are there, yet upon moving the head to pinpoint the spies they seem to vanish. The technique stays even in a combat situation, and can be lethally distracting for the enemy.
Base Duration: 4 posts
Considering that White is on a leave from Engi since his leave from work has ended, I took care of the edits for both characters. Moving this appropriately.
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