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Old 10-11-2014, 09:21 PM   #2
Junge
u havin a giggle m8
 
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,728
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your bio seems a bit short

This caught me offguard:
Quote:
I had perfected my Stage One control
I've never actually seen a character refer to a technique as 'stage one' or 'stage' anything. My understanding is that stages (like the stats) are abstractions and not something that actually exist in-character. If I'm wrong then it's fine, but I'd prefer to see something like 'basic of control' or something that doesn't show so much of Engi's game-rules skeleton.

The shift from first person narrative to third person in the last part of the bio is extremely jarring. For the first few sentences I was wondering who this 'Kagero' person was. Maybe ease into it a bit better?

Stats and numbers all check out. Given that your bio is quite comprehensive I'm sure there are details that those more knowledgeable about Cloud can go over better than I can. I'll Half-Approve anyway.
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