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Old 05-16-2018, 07:55 PM   #3
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merdle's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: northerly
Posts: 6,438

she soon at them squirming under her influence

This bio is fine. The age for a Jounin level character, not as much. I read through the bio telling myself that if the activities inside justified it, I would be fine. But honestly it makes the Keisei look dumb if the family member that can most handle their interactions with world governments is a girl who is still in middle school. It doesnt even make sense that she would still be in middle school, considering everything that she has accomplished. This is a private school that handles students all the way through their education, but she managed to handle all of her business and become the boss before she even gets into high school?

On top of that, where is the path forward, what is the goal?

I'm all for the main thrust of the bio, I just don't know if the rest of the world plays into it enough. It is hard to imagine interacting with this character, because she is in her own world. She meets no other Keisei, she rules her world from the ultimate isolated world (secondary school), and evidently no one has ever been able to make her slow down since she got beat up once back in like first grade.
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