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Old 06-24-2015, 04:58 PM   #1
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Default [Rain Chuunin] - Maeda Shin

Name: Maeda Shin
Age: 18
Sex: Male
Height: 6'

Character Type: Shinobi
Country/Village: Rain Country
Rank: Chuunin
Division: ---

Physical Description: Maeda Shin has finally passed through that awkward threshold of boyhood youth. He has a strong jawline passed down through his father’s side, with a square chin to go with it. His skin is very pale; most likely due to a combination between lack of sunlight and constantly being encased within his clan’s armor. However, as a side effect of his clan’s armor Maeda Shin has very little scarring on his body. Due to his clan’s style of fighting; Maeda Shin’s body is built for staying power, rather than strength or speed.

Shin’s eyes are a warm yellow, are almond in shape, and are bright and clear in color. He likes to keep his dark hair short and cropped; any longer and he would be constantly suffering from helmet hair. His mother would never let him hear the end of it. Over the years he has taken to growing facial hair in a silly attempt to appear older, doesn’t really do much when you constantly wear a helmet and no one can see your mustache. Due to his constant work in the medical field this Maeda always has the scent of antiseptic on him, a smell he tries to cover with lavender to varying degrees of success.

Clothing: Shin isn’t very well known for his taste in fashion. The only clothing made out of cloth that this man will wear is the underwear that he puts on each morning. Aside from that the only other thing he dons is a green rain poncho. The poncho is simple enough to suit his taste, and cheap enough that it’s easy to replace. The poncho is usually a dark green, and roomy enough for him to form the chitinous armor plating that his clan is known for. Why wear cloth when you could be wearing armor? Life is dangerous for a Shinobi, why even take the chance? His mother just thinks he is being lazy. What kind of man can’t dress himself? In the end all that matters is that he looks like a large beetle attempting to pass as a human by wearing a poncho.

Within the dark hood of the poncho one can plainly see two bulbous, yellow eyes glowing faintly from within. These false eyes are in fact the same shade of yellow as his own biological ones. He’s learned that to some they appear warm, and to others almost alien. The helmet that Maeda Shin constructs, when it can be seen in clear enough light, looks less insectoid and more fabricated. The base of the helmet is an olive color, dark enough to be mistaken for black depending on the light. Underneath the eyes, toward the bottom of the faceplate is a simple gray mouthpiece with indented lines which imitate a beetle’s mouth plate.

On the center of his helmet’s forehead rests a rather large and thick, two foot long beetle horn, which ends in three prongs. The horn looks ridiculous of course, and yet whenever Shin forms his helmet the horn can always been seen, poking out from the poncho’s hood. The Clan therapist suspects it having to due with a subconscious desire to show off his dominance, along with a host of other Freudian excuses

Out side of his general buggy appearance Shin always keeps with him a small medic’s bag; a gift from his deceased sensei. The bag contains everything he needs sealed away neatly within some scrolls.

Personality: Shin is oddly bubbly for a walking biohazard, and yet that’s the best way to describe the well-meaning doctor. He’s easily excitable, and loves the company of others. Within his clan there are many who wonder how a man can cut himself off so completely physically, and yet keep himself open emotionally. The trick is that Shin genuinely wants to help people. Despite being well-versed in terrible acts of violence, Shin would rather talk out an issue, and yet he has never been afraid to bring the pain if needed. Within his little medic bag, alongside the scrolls containing his various medical gear, the Chuunin loves to hide away snacks for any child he might have to give a check up that day. These assorted treats tend to go to waste though, because despite being factory sealed, what kind of parent would willingly let their child take candy from a Maeda? The parents would probably let them take it from a strange before that ever happened.

Shin won’t deny that it hurts a little, but in his heart of hearts he really does understand. His clan can be dangerous, and despite how much he may love his family, outbreaks are numerous and frequent enough that people do worry

Nindo; "Way of the Ninja": If you fall down three times, you gotta get up four~

Clan/Bloodline: Maeda

Primary Archetype: Wormcaller
Special: Once per thread, the user's parasites can act on their own to preserve the life of the host. This can take any form (up to the player) and functions similarly to an extra kawarimi usage.
Primary: Any
Secondary: Any
Tertiary: Any
Stat Merit: +1 Power, +1 to Stamina, +1 Intelligence
Stat Flaw: -1 Reserves, -1 Strength, -1 Tactics
The Maeda themselves are often reluctant hosts to the worm. Like all carriers, some hosts have better compatibility with the karamushi than others. Maybe it's something in that family's diet, maybe they caught a stronger strain of the parasite: the Maeda don't know why or how, but those they call the Wormcallers are among the best hosts within the clan that the karamushi could hope for. Some see it as a blessing, some as a curse. Almost everyone agrees it's pretty gross.

Secondary Archetype: Healer
Stat Merit: +2 to Intelligence, +1 to Reserves
Stat Flaw: -1 to Strength, -1 to Speed, -1 to Willpower


Physical - Secondary

Strength: 1 -1 -1 + 11 = 10
Speed: 1 -1 +10 = 10
Stamina: 1 +1 +6 = 8 +9(Chitin Armor) = 17

Mental - Tertiary

Intelligence: 1 +1 +2 +6 = 10
Tactics: 1 -1 +9 = 9
Willpower: 1 -1 +9 = 9

Chakra - Primary

Power: 1 +1 +10 + 2(Thread) = 14
Control: 1 +10 +4(Thread) = 15
Reserves: 1 -1 +1 +10 +2(Thread) = 13


Jutsus and Techniques:
Chitin Armor
[F1] Stage I
[F2] Stage II
[F3] Stage III
Stage Requirements: 10 Control, 10 Reserves, 8 Stamina
Stage Bonus: +9 Stamina

Physical Adaptations:
[F4] Speed: Mantis
[F5] Stamina: Hercules
[F6] Speed: Scorpion

Medical Ninjutsu
Stage I
[F7] Igaku Kunren - Medical Training
Requirements: Control 2, Willpower 2
[F8]Kanrinin - Caretaker
Requirements: Control 3, Tactics 2

Stage II
[F9] Zesshi Nensan – Fanged Tongue Acid
Requirements: Control 6, Power 6, Intelligence 4

Stage III
[F10] Chiyute no Jutsu – Healing Hands Technique
Requirements: Control 8, Power 8, Reserves 6
[F11] Kigusuri Souzou – Medicine Creation
Requirements: Intelligence 8, Willpower 6, Tactics 8

Universal Ninjutsu
Stage I
[F12] Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Switch Technique)
Requirements: Power 2, Tactics 2
[GMAP] Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)
Requirements: Control 3, Intelligence 2

Stage II
[GMAP]Kinobori/Kabenobori no Jutsu (Tree Walking / Wall Walking Technique)
Requirements: Power 5, Control 4, Reserves 4

Stage III
[TP]Hitoshizeru Bakuhatsu no Jutsu (Hidden Explosion Technique)
Requirements: Power 9, Control 9, Intelligence 7

Shinobi Kit - 0

Weapon Points Remaining: 8


Age 7
Dear Diary:
Dear Journal
Mother gave you to me today. You were a gift, because I’m starting the Academy tomorrow! She said she wants me to write down the important bits, or just anything I think is important so that I can look back on them later. I’m so excited I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. Mother keeps telling me not to forget my medical roots, I’m not going to. She also won’t stop telling me to bring enough hand sanitizer for the entire class.

Age 9
Dear Journal
When I first joined the Academy, mother tired to warn me that things might be tough for me. She told me that I was sheltered in the clan, that I was a gift because it’s hard for Maeda to have children, every one of us is precious. My classmates think I’m gross, they don’t want to have lunch with more, or to even touch them! They won’t even fight me during Taijutsu practice; sensei also seems a bit uneasy during those times. It’s okay though Journal, I can get all the Taijutsu training at home.

Age 10
Dear Journal,
I had to move to a new class when one of the kids said I made them sick. There was a big fuss, and the Major even had to get involved. It wasn’t fair, I hadn’t even fought with that boy! It’s not the first time someone’s tried to blame me for their kid getting sick, but this one had rich parents so it was a big deal. It’s fine though, it’s always fine, my new class is much nicer. Oh, some of the girls even tired talking to me. I played it cool though, they eventually got bored and wandered off, well all except for Tsukiyama. Journal, Tsukiyama is so cool! She comes from a long line of Shinobi, she knows all these awesome chakra tricks too! When it came to go grab lunch she grabbed my hand and pulled me with her! I tried to get her to let go but man, her grip is like a vice! Don’t tell anyone I said this, but her hand was warm. It was nice.

Age 11
Dear Journal
It’s weird Journal, I didn’t think I would be said to see my days at the Academy end, but here I am sniffling to myself as I write in you. I’ve officially become a Genin. I even managed to luck out and get Tsukiyama on my team! It’s only me and her, well, aside from our Sensei of course. Jotaro-sensei is only a Chuunin though, but he seems really nice. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Age 11
Dear Journal
Today Jotaro-sensei gave me a bag. It’s one of those ones that you slip over your shoulder. He told me that if I was going to be a medic I should have a medic’s bag; all the cool ones have one after all. I’d just been keeping all my stuff sealed away in scrolls, but it was nice of him. Tsukiyama said I wouldn’t stop smiling at the bag, I told her to leave me alone, but then she said I had a nice smile! Who does that to a person anyway! Telling me I have a nice smile, well you know what Journal? She has a nicer one.

Age 13
Dear Journal,
I don’t know what to do Journal. Sensei is dead and Tsukiyama is in the hospital. Damn it, I can’t even see straight, these stupid tears won’t stop falling no matter how much I try to stop them. We were just doing a stupid patrol mission on the surface, we’ve done this a dozen times by now! It was all going normally when we were ambushed. Tsukiyama went down first, stupid girl. She ran head first into them and tried to fight them. I was useless. The bastard cut her up pretty bad with a sword, I panicked at all the blood. I didn’t know what to do. I ran to her to see if she was okay, she was still breathing but it wasn’t very pretty. The man raised his sword to bring it down on me, and that was when Jotaro showed up out of nowhere and kicked him away. Sensei shouted at me to grab her and run; he would hold them off, he said. Journal, he smiled when he said that. I’ll never forget that smile till the day I die.

I managed to get Tsukiyama behind some trees, away from the sounds of the fighting. She was so very pale, she had lost a lot of blood. I knew that without a transfusion she wasn’t going to make it. I was her only hope Journal, we had the same blood type. Journal, I broke the biggest law our clan has, I infected my friend. Mother said I did good, that it was the only way to save her. Shakes and fevers versus death? It was an easy choice for me, I wasn’t going to let her die without a fight. The sound of fighting had died out, but I knew they were still searching for us, I could hear them rustling around in the bushes. I knew Sensei was gone, but he had given me enough time to try and help her, but if I didn’t do anything about those guys searching for us… well, it would all have been for nothing. Journal, I called upon the Karamushi in my body, and they readily answered me. My mind went blank after I was encased in the armor of my clan, but when I woke up from my daze there were three bodies around me. They looked like they had been cut apart by a monster. I don’t want to think about what I did, but I don’t regret it. I managed to get Tsukiyama to a hospital. At least I’m not alone, I still have her.

Age 13
Dear Journal,
It’s been a week since the ambush, sensei’s death still hurts but I just gotta keep going on. Tsukiyama's still in the hospital, The Karamushi are hitting her pretty hard from what the doctor’s say, but I know she’ll be fine. She’s a strong girl. Tomorrow I'll take some flowers to her, I know how much she likes the purple ones.

Age 13
Dear Journal,
I really messed everything up. What would Jotaro-Sensei say to me now? I’ve ruined Tsukiyama’s future. I might as well have just let her die on the surface for all the good I’ve done her. The doctor, a Maeda specialist named Junichi, tried to be kind, but I don’t need his kindness. No amount of sugar coated words will change the fact that my parasites ruined her tenketsu. It's been known to happen to a amount of people affected by the worms, but it's so rare it's almost a non-stat. Tsukiyama can never be a Shinobi again. Right now she can barely hold a glass of water without it slipping out of her hands.

Junichi left me with my thoughts. He told me that the choice I had to have made wasn't an easy one, and he would have done the same. It was a small grace, doesn't change the fact that I willingly infected a friend, and ruined her life. When he turned and left, I couldn't think. I just wanted to run away, but I couldn't. I had to face her, but I couldn't. I think it was my inaction that forced the Karamushi to act for me, because suddenly I was wearing my helmet again, the same one from a week ago.

The helmet helped, with it I was able to look Tsukiyama in the eye. Journal, she looked so weak. Her body was pale, and frail as she laid in her bed. She looked nothing like the exuberant girl who held my hand and laughed at Sensei's stupid jokes. She tried to smile for me but I could see the tears in her eyes. I knew how much being a Shiobi had meant to her, it was the same that being a medic meant for me. It had been her dream to be a shinobi like her father, and I had torn it away from her. I ran out of the room ignoring her cries for me to come back. I can't go back. I can't face her, I can’t face anyone.

Age 14
Dear Journal,
There was another Karamushi outbreak today.This is the second one I’ve had to deal with since Junichi took me on as his apprentice. There were ten infected this time, possibly more, we won’t know until some time has passed. Junichi sent me to handle the children and to give them a look over, none of them took any of the candy I’ve offered, of course they wouldn’t. Luckily there were no fatalities, which is always a concern when the victim is a young child. I finished filling out reports and went home. My mother nagged me all day about wearing the armor outside. She said it frightens the regular civilians, and a few Shinobi. She told me that she’s hear a new rumor, that if one is infected with Karamushi that they’ll become a bug person. I rolled my eyes, thank god for the helmet or she would have beat my butt. I wish that was all I had to say, but there was one more thing.

I saw Tsukiyama again today Journal, her dark hair was longer, just below her shoulders now. She looked a lot better than she had the last time I saw her, although her mother still had to push her in a wheelchair around. I didn't let her see me, she's tried a few times to visit me on the clan grounds but each time I had the guards send her away. It’s funny, she’s the one who was hurt most, but I’m the one who can’t handle seeing her. I can’t face her, not until I’ve made up for taking away her chance at being a Shinobi.

Age 16
Dear Journal,
I’ve finally done it. I am officially a Chuunin now. All that hard work has finally paid off. All the late night shifts at the hospitals, the time I’ve donated cleaning up Karamushi outbreaks, the blood I’ve spilt, and the blood of others that I’ve spilt; it’s all finally brought me to the next step. Did you know that in the past three years I’ve saved over twenty Shinobi on the battlefield? Three of them were even in a critical state, and I still managed to keep them alive. “Good job,” Junichi-sempai said to me, more like great job if you ask me.

I won’t deny that the ceremony to get my flak vest was pretty anti-climatic. The Kage called me to her office and gave me a pretty speech about my achievements for the village, and yada yada yada. To be honest, I didn’t really pay attention, I was too busy looking at Ayame-sama. Journal, I knew she was young, but seeing her face to face really brought home the fact. She must be strong for her to take up the mantle of Godaime so soon after her father's disappearance. Also, she didn’t batter an eye at an overgrown beetle getting a flak vest, pretty cool.

Age 17
Dear Journal,
I ran into a missing-nin yesterday. Well, she ran into me actually. I had been coming back from a mission when I felt something run into me. I must have been really tired for someone to run into me without me noticing them beforehand. So there I was, with this skinny waif of a girl, and what does she do? Well, I can certainly tell you that she did not apologize, that’s for sure. She immediately went on the offensive. She later told me that she had thought I’d been sent after her. When I asked how she even knew I was a Shinobi, the girl gave me the dumbest look. Yeah, I guess it was a stupid question. Anyway, there I was, in the middle of a downpour with this tiny little girl attacking me, it was a very confusing situation. It only got weirder once she started screaming about how she wouldn’t let me take her back. The girl was quite clearly confused, and all I could feel was pity. Journal, that pity is going to get me killed, instead of actually trying to subdue the girl all I did was block her attacks and try to talk to her. Eventually I got tired of playing around and just grabbed her in a bear hug.

It took a little while, but eventually she stopped fighting me and just leaned against me as she began to cry. She told me what happened. About a week ago she had been on patrol with her team when they had been attacked. I remembered something about a Genin team going missing around then actually. Her teammates were killed and she had run away and hadn't stopped running.

Now she felt like she couldn't go back home. How could she when she had run off? She was all alone now, and no one cared. She was wrong of course, because I cared. I understood that shame of not being able to help. I couldn't do much more than offer a cookie from my bag which she ate with no delay. It wasn't too late for her to go back home I told her. People would understand. She was scared, alone on the surface with no back up. I told her I would do what I could to help people understand, not that my word mattered much. She just looked at me and cried some more.

I can only hope that Ayame-sama shows some compassion, and understanding. Surely she remembers what it was like to be scared and alone in the world?

Age 18
Dear Journal,
I can't believe I did it. I went and I talked to Tsukiyama last night. I don't know what caused me to do it, but I couldn't take it any longer. I was just so tired. Tired of being a medic, tired of being a shinobi, tired of being a Maeda. Once you hit Chuunin there’s just so much more extra pressure put onto you. I'm tired of trying to help people and them looking disgusted. I'm tried of being swamped with missions because people need medics. I almost died on my last mission. I think, maybe that was what drove me to her. I didn't want to die without seeing her once more. I went to her right after that mission. My helmet had been broken, my armor was muddy, and my poncho was torn. I didn't care. I needed to see her.

I found her in her room, of course I had kept tabs on her. She was my teammate after all, even if she no longer was a shinobi. I'll give her credit, she didn't even startle at me suddenly appearing in her room. Instead, she just gave me the most gentle smile “It wasn't nice to keep a woman waiting,” she said. That was it. I broke. My armor broke away and there I was, standing in front of her with nothing but my underwear on. I felt no shame of course, I was too drained for shame. Somehow I stumbled over to her, fell to my knees, and threw my head onto her lap. She didn’t say anything else, just smiled. Even when I started crying, Tsukiyama stayed quiet and just let me cry. She ran her hands through my hair. It's been so long since anyone's run their hands through my hair Journal. It felt amazing.

Age 18
Dear Journal,
I think this will be the last time I write in you. I want to thank you for all you've been to me. The feelings you've held for me, the doubts and the fears, but I don't need you anymore. From here on out, when things get too hard, and I can’t handle it alone, I'll just tell Tsukiyama about it. Her lap was really warm.

Writing Example: N/A

Other Info:

Thread Logs:
Episode 00: A Bug-man Appears
+1 GMAP: Henge, +1 GMAP: Tree Walking
Debugging +2 Control
SeeDed: +2 to control, Hitoshizeru Bakuhatsu no Jutsu (Hidden Explosion Technique), +1 Power[MotM]
Quixotic Quarantine: +2 Reserves, +1 Power [MotM]

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Last edited by Masked_One; 08-16-2017 at 04:52 PM..
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Old 06-24-2015, 07:24 PM   #2
Alpha Twink
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Woah, Sleepy made a character. Time to rip it apart before Merdle and Kana do!

I started off by pointing out individual flaws, but then I realized that your main problem is with not using commas in certain places. Go back and read your physical description/clothing/personality and add them where they need to be. Run-ons aren't what the bug-men are about, yo.

Your stats look good, but since you don't label your archetypes, I might be mistaken. You should totally do that btw.
When we meat Jotaro-sensei he told me a joke that made me burst out laughing because I wasn't expecting it.
wow what a funny joke

Progressing into the bio. You have a few more comma mistakes starting around the first thirteen year old entry. You used semi-colons in some places, but in other places, you use a comma. Don't be afraid of the punctuation, yo.
They had brought a Maeda Specialist named Juninichi to check up on her.
is it Juninichi or Junichi like you wrote below?

Your chuunin promotion doesn't feel substantial to me; you wrote like what, two sentences about working in a hospital and doing "general missions"? I'd like to see more, but hey, that's Kana's call.

Overall, I think you just need to go back over and proofread the entire sheet. The spelling wasn't too bad, but the punctuation, seeing you use it correctly and then not, drove me a little up the wall. But once you fix those obvious mistakes in the bio that I mentioned, I won't hold back a half-approval even if this this sheet is full of awkward teenage love/hate/angst/death.
Available for registry checks, just ask!
If you need character sheet edits done, let me know!

Ratings Moderator / Ame no Kuni Primary / Kaze no Kuni & Hi no Kuni Secondary / Maeda Clan GM
Itsuki Hana ~ Shinshi Junichi ~ Renchishin Ume ~ Maeda Kazuhiko ~ Aoyama Sudao ~ Honekaigi Kasumi ~ Shichou Amane ~ Kawaguchi Takumi

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Old 06-24-2015, 08:20 PM   #3
u havin a giggle m8
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I think there's enough before the promotion (missing nin, helping with an outbreak, saving a teammate) to merit a promotion but, yeah, it's a Kana thing. Half Approved and GM Approved once the typos are fixed (it's a diary anyway. Who writes with perfect grammar in a diary?)
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Old 06-25-2015, 07:58 PM   #4
Sir Kana of Furyville
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Not a bad bio. Short and concise. But I wish there was a bit more about the position and maybe something about Ayame becoming Kage. Other than those small things, add in your other info or thread ratings where you spent your GMAP.
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Old 06-25-2015, 10:24 PM   #5
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he needs needs
Got an extra need.

The numbers and all check out, and if Kana is okay with the bio, so am I.

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Old 06-29-2015, 12:41 AM   #6
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So I did some proof-reading. I fixed some errors, and probably made a dozen more, but I've done the best I can ha. I added in the GMAP notes in my Other Info, and tried to beef up the promotion part of his bio, also added some stuff about Ayame. If you don't like the promotion bit I can try again.

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Old 06-30-2015, 01:27 AM   #7
Sir Kana of Furyville
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Not too bad. Not too bad at all. Rain GM Approved
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