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Old 04-01-2012, 08:57 AM   #1
Epsilon7
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Default Matsuruki Hikaru [Leaf Chuunin]

Name: Matsuruki Hikaru
Age: 18
Sex: Male
Height: 6.4 ft

Character Type: Shinobi

Country/Village: Hidden Leaf Village/Hi no Kuni/Konohagakure
Rank: Advanced Chunin
Division: Omoi

Physical Description: Hikaru’s appearance is pretty... memorable. He has neatly combed shoulder-length gold hair, flowing and swishing in a way that some might describe as girly. He’ll often be seen drinking a cup of coffee, whether he’s on a mission or not. His limbs are pretty weak and thin, but unusually long. Even though he is male, he looks rather feminine, and many others joke about him looking more like a girl than a guy.

He has a thin nose, and expressive gold eyes that exude confidence, and arrogance, but a good heart beneath it all. He'll often be seen holding a caffeinated drink, and he'll rarely share it with anyone. These eyes have dark circles around them, due to him not sleeping often as a child. These circles are always there, and no ammount of sleep or healing jutsu will ever repair them. When he opens his eyes wide, the bloodshot lines on his eyes become clearly visible, and the dark circles on his eyes seem larger. This isn’t a jutsu, it’s just a way of holding his face that makes him appear to be a vicious, unstable, caffine-driven workaholic, with a manic glint in his eye that could be seen as genius, madness, or both. He mostly uses this for interrogation, or getting what he wants from people when charm fails.

Clothing: Wears loose-fitting grey trousers, and he wears his black village headband around his waist, like a belt. On some days, he will wear his belt/headband upside down. This isn’t for any particular reason, he just doesn’t notice. If somebody pointed it out to him, and told him to put it the right way up, he would. He also wears an unnervingly flashy and gaudy gold sleeveless vest, with the top three buttons undone, exposing some of his hairless, nonmuscular chest.

He wears a white shirt beneath his vest, and the sleeves of the shirt go a few inches past his elbows. It’s a low-cut v-neck top, he bought it at a store that sells both men and women’s clothing, and rarely tells anyone which is which. He has seventeen outfits at home, completely identical to this one, all prepared into piles, so that he doesn’t even have to figure out what to wear every morning. Some of these outfits have a few cuts or scorch marks on them, but instead of having them fixed, he keeps them like they are, thinking that the small cuts and scorch marks make him look cooler. He wears multiple containers of senbon strapped to his legs, and a strip of red fabric tied on his upper left arm, marked with the Omoi’s symbol. He paid extra, so the fabric is fireproof, and harder to rip.

Personality: Hikaru is a pretty nice guy, even though he sometimes doesn’t seem like it, with his backhanded compliments and condesending tone. He tries to make friends with most people, and subtly control them if he can. Hikaru tends to overdramatise things, and his normal speaking voice is pretty loud. He’s often overconfident, and he is a bit of a jerk sometimes, especially when talking to somebody who recently failed at something. However, whenever he fails, and there is no way that he could blame somebody else, he’s just as hard on himself, perhaps even harder.

When he wants to be, he can be pretty charming. However, he’s quite shallow, and views people based only on their physical appearance, which is why he’d rather not use any jutsu that makes him look bad, unless he can figure out a way to keep his face intact while using it.

Hikaru is also pretty paranoid. There are eight locks on his bedroom door, and his family’s considerable fortune is kept in a vault more secure than the village’s tower. He doesn’t trust most people, and sees every little thing as part of a master plan to destroy him.

Despite having so much money, he’s pretty tight-fisted with it, rarely spending money on anything, sometimes haggling for a better deal. He rarely treats anyone to food, and if he does, he’ll remember exactly how much money was spent, what he ate, what everyone else ate, and every other little thing that could possible useful for getting repaid someday. This is also used on other things, such as the contents of books, overheard conversations, and what who wore on which day. He also applies this brilliant memory to fights, remembering everything in minute detail, and using that information to figure out how to defeat his opponents... then tell one of his teammates.

Hikaru is fully aware of how girly he looks, and makes no effort to change it. However, pointing it out will anger him. Not enough to do anything violent, but enough to start using his massive vocabulary and vindictive mindset on you.

He believes Taijutsu and Genjutsu are quite lame and unnescessary, thinking of Genjutsu as “Cheap mind-tricks for people who can’t fight”, and Taijutsu as “Empty-headed idiots punching each other into submission”. Swords are only “sharp objects that people cut each other with, until one of them dies”. As far as he’s concerned, Ninjutsu are the only techniques anyone should ever need to use. However, his teammate, Kor, has already proven himself to Hikaru multiple times, and he’s one of the few people he trusts, even if he does use weaponry.

Hikaru’s sense of humor is pretty weird. He’s fond of old jokes that everyone knows, and awful puns that make most people groan. Sometimes, he’ll try and make his own jokes up, but it usually involves fire, corpses, or something else that would make most people glare at him, calling him a jerk for laughing at something so tragic. He also has odd ideas when it comes to cuteness. While he still likes the classic cute puppies and kittens, he seems to think that any sort of bird is the ultimate in cute. Except reptiles, he hates reptiles. It isn’t fear, it’s hate. He hates reptiles because the thinks that they are ugly. This may not be a reasonable excuse to hate anything, but its enough for him.

Hikaru isn’t really that into tactics or clever fighting. He’d much rather use his sizeable ammount of chakra to throw as many huge, impressive, show-offy ninjutsu as possible, and win the fight quickly. If this isn’t working for any reason, it’s just because he hasn’t used enough ninjutsu yet. Unless it’s because of something obvious, like a giant shield or something, he’ll keep on throwing as many powerful jutsu as he can, until he’s the last one standing. He isn’t entirely stupid, however, and got pretty good grades at the academy. He’s actually pretty smart, he just fights like this because he likes to show off, and he knows that the only strategy that can never be countered... is to have no strategy at all.

Nindo; "Way of the Ninja": Fame isn’t about having talent, it’s about having people recognise your talent!

Clan/Bloodline: None. He does have a family, and they are pretty rich, but they don’t have any special abilites or Kekkei Genkai.

Primary Archetype: Human Battery
Stat Merit: +2 to Reserves, +1 to Power
Stat Flaw: -1 to Strength, -1 to Speed, -1 to Willpower
Special: When taken as Primary Archetype, the character can use any jutsu one more time past the limit. May use this ability only once per thread, and stage 7 jutsu are off-limits. Any jutsu that states that it can only be used once per thread is also off limits.
Secondary Archetype: Ninjutsu Specialist
Stat Merit: +2 to Power, +1 to Control
Stat Flaw: -2 to Strength, -1 to Tactics

-----------------------------------

Statistics

Physical Teritary

Strength: 1(base)-1(Human Battery)-2(Ninjutsu Specialist)+8(Points)=6
Speed: 1(base)-1(Human Battery)+10(Points)=10
Stamina: 1(base)6+(Points)=7

Mental Secondary

Intelligence: 1(base)+10(Points)+1(Thread)=12
Tactics: 1(base)-1(Ninjutsu Specialist)+7(Points)=7
Willpower: 1(base)-1(Human Battery)+10(Points)=10

Chakra Primary

Power: 1(base)+1(Human Battery)+2(Ninjutsu Specialist)+11(Points)+3(Advanced character)=18
Control: 1(base)+1(Ninjutsu Specialist)+10(Points)+3(Advanced character)=15
Reserves: 1(base)+2(Human Battery)+9(Points)+3(Advanced character)=15

--------------------------------------------------

Jutsus and Techniques:

Global Ninjutsu:

Stage 1
- Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Control 3, Intelligence 2

Katon List:
Stage 1
- Katon: Tanebi no Jutsu (Fire Element: Cinder Technique) Intelligence 3, Reserves 3
Stage 2
- Katon: Housenka no Jutsu (Fire Element: Mystical Fire Flower Technique) Power 6, Control 6, Intelligence 4
- Katon: Yojin Bunshin no Jutsu (Fire Element: Ember Clone Technique) Power 5, Control 4, Reserves 4
Stage 3
- Katon: Ryuuka no Jutsu (Fire Element: Dragon Fire Technique) Power 8, Control 8, Reserves 6

Mokuton List:
Stage 1
- Mokuton: Zenchi (Wood Element: A Preface) Power 2, Tactics 2
Stage 2
- Moku Bunshin no Jutsu (Wood Clone Technique) Power 5, Control 4, Reserves 4
Stage 3
Mokuton: Takken (Wood Element: An Insight) Power 8, Control 8, Reserves 6; Mokuton: Zenchi

[bTobidougu no Jutsu (Projectile Arts)[/b]
Stage One:
Mukuro Manako (Dead Eye) Tactics 2, Control 2
Stage Two:
Futago Ryuu (Twin Dragon) Tactics 5, Intelligence 4, Willpower 4

Senbon Senzoku (Needle Specialist)
Stage One
Perfect Throw, Intelligence 2, Control 2
Stage Two
Senbon Ninpou: Enka (Needle Art: Beacon) Power 5, Reserves 4, Control 4

Inventory:

Kunai(2)
Explosive Tags (4)
Senbon Needles(2)
Communications unit (1)
Scrolls (1)

Weapon Points Remaining: 10

-----------------------------------------

Biography: Born to one of the richest families in Konoha, Hikaru Matsuruki certainly had a lot of expectations to live up to. H didn’t sleep most nights, preffering to spend them reading, practicing jutsu, or some other form of training. Out of the three genin on his team, he definitely had the most talent with ninjutsu. While he had no interest in Genjutsu or Taijutsu, he still did pretty well in the academy’s exams. At this age, some kids mistook him for a girl. This angerd him a little, and those children usually found themselves with plenty of small burns.

Growing up, he kept away from most people, training privately with hired professionals. The only time he spent with other people was in the academy, where he flaunted his wealth and talent like there was no tommorow. The girls loved him, the guys hated him, all that stuff. A couple of them weren’t impressed by his skill, but he didn’t really care. Instead of specifically going after the ones that hated him, like people do in books, he just stayed with the ones that did like him. Made sense.

His first team didn’t start off that well. Nobody was sure if the synchronisation was supossed to be there from the beginning, or slowly developed over time, but there didn’t seem to be anything there. Maybe Hikaru was picked last, maybe his name was picked out of a hat, but nobody could see how the three of them could possibly work together.

And yet, they did. Mission after mission, with Hikaru burning down, shooting, and destroying anything in his path, their medic healing anything that he shouldn’t have destroyed, and Kor doing a lot better than most people thought, they got a good winning streak going.

Then one night, bandits kidnapped them while they was on a simple escort mission. It had nothing to do with the person they were escorting. It was all about Hikaru. As usual. Somehow the bandits found out about his rich family, and kidnapped them as they were asleep.

His sensei didn't think much of it at first, maybe it was “all part of the plan”. Sometimes, he thinks Kor just makes up his “plans" as he goes along. And yet somehow, it works for them. Anyway, as the hours went by, his sensei got worried. But he was obviously too late, the bandits had got away. While he was panicking, Hikaru was doing what he does best... Except he wasn’t, until Kor broke them out. Then he was doing what he did best.

The three Genin hostages were locked in a cell, in the middle of nowhere. The leaf village were unable to help, they had no idea where they were, or where to start looking. More importantly, they were afraid of what the Matsuruki family might do if their son was endangered, all because they decided two Genins were important than Hikaru. Koryu broke the others out of the chains, then used the chains to fight. Hikaru, with his hands finally free, began to burn everyone in sight, as revenge for trying to hold him for ransom, and take his family’s money. Chaining him up is one thing, but nobody touches his money!

While the two were fighting their way out of camp, the bandit’s superior grabbed their medic, and held a kunai to her throat.

“Going after us is one thing...” Hikaru began.

Suddenly, Kor whipped his chains around the bandit’s throat, pulling him away from the girl. Unexpected, but Hikaru could still work with it.

“But nobody goes after my money and lives!”

Hikaru burned him up as painfully as he could, then shot down the rest with fireballs, and they left the camp as it was burning down. Hikaru could only wish there was an artist there, to draw how awesome the three looked when leaving a burning camp.

On the was back to the Leaf Village, the girl became unable to walk, revealing a small cut the kunai made. The kunai was poisoned, and the girl died in minutes. Saddened, the two continued walking, carrying the body with them.

When the two returned, they explained what happened, and it turned out pretty well for them. However, they blame themselves for their teammate’s death. Hikaru thought that if he was better at Ninjutsu back then, he could have gotten them out of there sooner. He became determined to become better. Not just for himself and his overbearing parents, but his comrades too. After they returned, they were given Chunin status. Hikaru was secretly hoping he’d enter the Chunin exams some day and win spectacularly, with thousands of spectators screaming his name at the top of their lungs as he demolished large parts of the arena with his incredible awesomeness, but he got over it pretty quickly. It was pretty sad, but nothing compared to being unable to save a comrade, especially one who was one of the few people he trusted. Hikaru entered the Omoi division, because while he does specialise in ninjutsu, he didn’t care much for tactics, so a combination of his raw destructive power and a few bribes got him into the same division as Kor.

There were plenty of articles on him in the village’s paper, and he got paid a lot for doing them. For a few months after returning, almost every newspaper in Konoha wanted to know more about him, his life, the amazing way he escaped from the bandits, and his comrade’s honorable and tragic sacrifice. He’d even written a best-selling book about it, which made him a lot of money. Hikaru had changed the story slightly, for maximum awesomeness, depicting Hikaru as an unstoppable master of flames and destruction, Kor as a brilliant leader, and turning Her tragic death from poison into an amazing heroic sacrifice. Thankfully, Kor didn’t object to this too much.

Ever since becoming a Chunin, Hikaru decided to try and become a bit more diverse, picking up a couple of wood techniques, becoming pretty good with senbon, and most importantly, trying to become faster. These abilities came in handy during the Snow War. Even though his Sensei was banned from important missions and activities, such as participating in this war, Hikaru certainly didn’t need his help. He was pretty much unstoppable. Okay, maybe not entirely unstoppable, but the higher-ups recognized his skill and used it. Whatever expectations his family had, he certainly lived up to them, maybe even surpassed them.

Then the hybrids. Most people thought those things were disturbing and horrific, but Hikaru claimed that they looked absurd, almost humorous. By this time, most people forgave his Sensei, although he still wasn’t allowed to teach, and the other senseis still made rather impolite jokes about his abilities. There was a rather amusing one he once heard, where his sensei’s teaching skills were compared to an Akimichi’s backside. Not any Akimichi in particular, just the whole family. Anyway, his Senei was reunited with Hikaru and Kor, and he barely recognized either of them. The three of them did brilliantly, pushing the hybrids back a few blocks. When the ANBU got reestablished, Hikaru was a little dissapointed, because he almost had enough experiences to write another book. Still, it was about time somebody besides him got to spend a few days melting snowmen.

Writing Example: Hikaru Matsuruki stared at Konohagakure’s newest restaraunt, thirsty for something heavily caffeinated. He wasn’t on a mission, he just wanted something to drink. He was tempted to open both doors and dramatically walk through, but he decided to open the left door and stroll in instead. He was awesome enough already, or so he believed, he didn’t need to do something so over-the-top.

The interior certainly displayed how much money the owners did not have. The paint was peeling off the walls, a few insects were scurrying beneath the floorboards, There were no other customers in the room, and the menu was particularly small. His eyes instincively moved to the drinks section, and he read the short list. One drink caught his attention, the drink he had originally came here to try, the “Ky?ki no ?kiku kafein-iri no ocha”, or “Heavily caffeinated tea of insanity”. It was certainly an interesting name. It reminded him of a jutsu he once read about in a book. Hikaru was unable to do this jutsu, and he never really cared enough to train for it, since the book was a romantic comedy about a sand jounin and a leaf jounin attempting to marry, while the rest of their clans sabotage their dates in a comedic fashion. He doubted any of the justu used in that book were real, especially the one used in chapter seven, where the leaf jounin’s grandmother summoned a rhino on fire, and had it charge through the hotel they were in, destroying the building before they could rent a room together.

Hikaru chuckled as he got out the money needed to purchase this “Ky?ki no ?kiku kafein-iri no ocha”. If the advertisements were correct, it was the most heavily caffeinated drink to ever be brewed in the Leaf Village, without its consumption being completely forbidden.

Hikaru sat down at a table, and waited for the only waitress in the room to stop reading her magazine, and take his order. She looked averagely pretty, not the best he’s ever seen, but certainly not the worst.

“What would you like to order?”

She wore a very revealing dress, probably chosen on purpose to try and get more tips. It was certainly working on Hikaru, who was staring so much that he almost forgot to order.

“Oh, uh... I’d like a...”

His eyes quickly glanced back to the menu, to remind himself what the drink was called.

“I’d like a Ky?ki no ?kiku kafein-iri no ocha.”

“And I’d like a raise, but that’s never going to happen either. How old are you?”

“I’m...” His voice trailed off, as he remembered that some establishments preffered not to serve caffine to minors, since a powerful ninjutsu specialist is hardly the kind of person who needs more energy.

He noticed that the magazine she was still holding was outdated by a few years. It was probably taken from some sort of waiting room. Hikaru recognised the title. “THREE GENIN MISSING, TWO RETURN. Hikaru Matsuruki tells all. MASSIVE POWER!!!” That magazine was one of the first ones to feature an article about his escape.

“I’m Hikaru Matsuruki. I’m sure you’ve heard about me.”

The waitress laughed. “Yeah, so am I. Look, do you see this kid?”

She showed him page four and five, where both pages were taken over by an ink paining of him as a child.

“Yes, that was how I looked a few years ago.”

“This kid was amazing, an unstoppable..” She checked the article on him. “An unstoppable force of raw destructive power. You, you aren’t him. I couldn’t see you burning a plant, never mind taking on an army, with nothing but a chained-up genin for backup.

For a brief moment, Hikaru regretted how little he had appriciated Koryu back then. Then again, he was the star of the story, why give him all the credit?

“Is that a bet?”

“Yes, it is!” She shouted, as she dramatically slammed a few coins on the table.

“Is that all you’ve got?”

“...Yes.” She seemed a lot less energetic, but quickly recovered. “Come on, burn that flower!”

Smiling, Hikaru took the flower from its vase in the center of the table. It looked as if it hadn’t been watered in weeks, its petals a sickly grey. He’d almost be doing it a favour by putting it out of its misery. He placed it on the wooden table, did a few handseals, and quickly burned up the flower.

The waitress smiled. “Big deal, you can burn a flower. Can you do anything else?”

Hikaru smiled back. “I am Hikaru Matsuruki. Back then, I was skilled enough to take on an enemy camp, with, as you so eloquently put it, nothing but a chanied-up Genin for backup. I have been practicing for years, and I have gone many nights without sleep, training, nothing keeping me awake but caffeinated drinks, and a determination to become the best. Now, considering the way you dress, this may not mean anything to you, but I have the skills nessescary to engulf you in flames before you can even blink, then stop them, just after they burn your clothes off.”

The thought of her older boss seing her completely naked made her shiver in revulsion. Hikaru noticed this, and continued.

“Now, you might not think I could really do something like this, but ask yourself this...” He leaned over, and opened his eyes wide, revealing the insomnia circles and bloodshot lines, a look he practiced many times in the mirror. “Are you really willing to try?”

The waitress nervously left the table, and went to get Hikaru’s order. He lay back in the chair, smiling at how much he could terrify people when he wanted to. I’m good. He thought, noticing the waitress had forgotten to ask for payment.

Other Info: In-character, Hikaru Matsuruki is insanely rich. Not richer than the Hokage, but not far off. He’s rich, and he’ll buy things. Not weapons, or anything too useful, only small stuff like food and clothing. Also, Hikaru knows a variation on his Ryuuka no jutsu, where instead of a dragon's head on the end, it's his face. The change is purely asthetic, there is no increase in power or temperature. The face's expression can't be changed, and it can't talk. Because of the minor change, it does not count as a separate jutsu, only something to go in Other Info. Also, his coffee can not be used for any water jutsu. Finally, his crazy-insomia-eyes automatically activate whenever he uses his Archetype’s special.

Thread Ratings:
08/04/12 I'd Love a Cornerman: +1 Intelligence

Last edited by Will of Fire; 12-30-2012 at 12:55 PM..
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:32 AM   #2
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Has anyone even looked at this? Registry days seem dim x_x;

Anyway, for starters, your Archetype section is somewhat of a mess and does not include your archetype special (which is important). Your stat section is also (a lot more of) a mess and particularly difficult to read, though, on the flipside, I suppose it is well-labeled. These are just minor grievances.

Math and technical mistakes on the sheet are more important.

Your Power should be 19. 1+2+2+11+3=19

Your Control should be 15. 1+1+10+3=15

You should also include your Taijutsu bonuses to your physical stats like this:

Example: Strength: 1+2-1+19=21 [+10 Yatama no Shikaku= 32]

You say you have 5 lists, yet I only see four. Better yet, I'd just remove that "Jutsus and Techniques" thing because quite frankly it's unnecessary on the sheet considering all of your jutsu/techniques are listed right below it.

It's important to list the requirements of the techniques you have on your sheet so that people who come to read it aren't picking through the lists trying to find out whether or not your character actually has the stats to have that jutsu.

It's also important to link your lists.

Because of your physical tertiary, your Taijutsu stages cost 2 jutsu-points each. As such, my count puts you at 14 jutsu, not 12.

Your bio is long, so I'm not going to read it until the sheet is cleaned up. I did notice a broken Quote tag inside of the flashback spoiler.

Aside from all that, this is a solid approach to a first character. Hopefully this post will draw some attention to it.
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:55 AM   #3
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Thanks for pointing this out, I've fixed it.

How is it now?
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Old 04-26-2012, 04:56 AM   #4
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I see a broken slash tag!
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Old 04-26-2012, 09:32 AM   #5
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Broken isn't the word I'd use.

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Old 04-26-2012, 11:33 AM   #6
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I fixed that, and changed my character's jutsu a little.
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:50 PM   #7
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Ok, so... from what I've seen, stats seem to work out alright. The tai requirements are met. I might have missed something though since I'm not a big numbers person.

My problem with the bio, is that the end seems a little rushed. Still, for a first character this isn't too much of a problem. For me at least, I'll leave specifics details to Will.

Another thing I noticed, in your flashback and example, there is a lot of first person perspective and conversation. Much of Engi is done in third person. Again, it isn't a huge thing but you might want to read some of the finished threads to get a better idea of it. Other than that, welcome to Engi with your first Half
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Old 04-26-2012, 07:10 PM   #8
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Hmmm... I'm not sure where you got your archetype info from, but here are the correct merits and flaws for the ones you've chosen:

Quote:
Human Battery
Stat Merit: +2 to Reserves, +1 to Power
Stat Flaw: -1 to Strength, -1 to Speed, -1 to Willpower
Quote:
Ninjutsu Specialist
Stat Merit: +2 to Power, +1 to Control
Stat Flaw: -2 to Strength, -1 to Tactics
You'll have to make the appropriate adjustments.

I've got to say that I have issue with Konoha being unable to help a kidnapped team. It's possible that a genin group could be unexpectedly taken, but the village certainly wouldn't be helpless in such a case. They're ninja, for crying out loud. They would have ripped that bandit group apart without them even noticing, particularly if said kidnapped genin team could do it. There are a good many talented shinobi in Leaf, and they would have easily handled such a situation without giving in to demands. If anything, Leaf would probably be the ones to conduct that type of kidnapping on someone else. Hehe.

Anyway, I agree with Sinn in that the flashback struck me as a little odd. It began in present tense, then changed to past tense right around the time that the kids broke out. Most of our writing here occurs in past tense, and while it's certainly not mandatory, it's best to at least stick with a particular style. In this sort of setting, past tense seems least awkward.

Sorry for the wait. I had meant to get to this sooner, but real life sometimes gets in the way!
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Old 04-28-2012, 04:28 AM   #9
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Okay, I fixed the archetype error.

I also added a communications unit, since I thought my character might need one for missions, or something.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:00 PM   #10
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Sorry, my bad. The flashback, I admit, did not turn out so well. Not some good work of mine. It was kinda rushed by me too.

Okay and then there is that thing about Leaf unable to do anything. Is it too late to change it to say they didn't even know where they were? I could change my char's bio to fit it too.

This isn't my character, but I feel a chunk of it is from Kor, and I don't want that keeping this one in registry on my account.
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OSU - TSUNEO - JIROU
RAIDEN - KAEDE - ISAO
NOZARASHI

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