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Old 06-01-2017, 11:33 PM   #1
Masked_One
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Default [Sound] Temperamental Indulgence

Temperamental Indulgence



Kasatsu Toshimi, hired to assist in a simple escort mission, travels with a band of merchants on route to the wealthy Tanaka estate . Of course, nothing is ever so simple in Rice Country, and Toshimi comes face to face with one of the strangest threats she has ever encountered in the sound-nin Kamen. Both women are pushed to their mental and physical limits as they clash, leaving no love lost between the nukenin and the masked psyocopath from sound.

Featuring:
Bunrakudo as Kasatsu Toshimi
Masked01 as Kamen

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Old 06-02-2017, 05:46 PM   #2
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Boops.

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Old 06-07-2017, 10:26 AM   #3
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O.x Well!

First Thoughts

I can see what you mean in your ooc note, regarding the thread not perhaps coming to the conclusion you had hoped. I realise that's likely no-ones fault, more likely the universes; and while it doesn't detract from the overall story or character expression within the thread, its an incredibly jarring change of pace. You'd both worked very hard on a build up of tension and play against play, getting the intensity higher and higher to... then run flat into a wall and its over ._x

But, don't let that put you off in the future, when it comes to threads like these. Instead, what I'm hoping you take away from this is that you're both pretty good at this kind of back and forth suspense writing, and should consider doing more of it with your individual characters down the line.

Bunrakudo

Overall excellent work. Writing combat against genjutsu users is often tricky at best, without them being as singlemindedly creepy as Kamen can, but you sold each and every one of the illusions as a credible threat, and seeing Toshimi really pushed to the limit, only to dig in her heels and start pushing back on the same level as Kamen was great to read.

The use of all the various quirks of both of your combat niches, both positively and negatively, during the hunt and the mental chess game that it turned in to really helped sell her as a truly experienced shinobi. More importantly, it reinforced the apparent theme of the thread; the raw, emotional, instinct of the monster Kamen, vs the tempered and refined experienced'ness of Toshimi, and that dichotomy is part of what really made the thread work.

Masked

Very nice work on your part as well. You gave yourself a particularly challenging task when you created Kamen, as there is a tendency for horror villains to become cheesy, or too predictable (we've all seen it happen in the movies...) but instead it shows in your writing that you still believe in Kamen, how much of a menace she can be, and because you've dared to commit in that respect she remains a very credible threat. Yes, there are still moments where she slips a little too far into cliche, but even they can be made to work when its so clear that: yeah it might be a cliche, but she's deadly serious about it.

You also worked very hard to keep up the thematic dichotomy I mentioned to Bun, and like him the effort paid off wonderfully. Right up until the sudden end Kamen remained more of a creature of drive and instinct; even when being matched move for move by Toshimi, she retreated into darker, more terrifying places within herself to draw her next moves from, really cementing her status as more monster than villain.

Final Rating

As much as the regrettably sudden stop leaves me wishing there was so much more to this encounter, what there is is extremely well handled by the both of you. I can only hope this is not the last time we'll see the Missing-nin under so much threat, nor Kamen finding one of her playthings to be perhaps more than she could chew off, as the writing skill and sides of the characters it brought out of you both deserves more exploration.

Very well done to you both,

Masked - 3 Points
Bunrakudo - 3 Points
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Old 06-07-2017, 01:11 PM   #4
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Thanks Bass!! Always love when you rate my threads; I feel like I can really take away something from your comments.

Anywho, let's go with:

+2 Tactics and...

Hyoukai Nikutai no Jutsu (Melting Flesh Skill)
Requirements: Willpower 23, Intelligence 23, Tactics 22, Power 16, Reserves 15

Also, I just realized she doesn't have a shinobi kit, so I'll be adding that into my inventory.

Don't worry, I got my edits.
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:25 AM   #5
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Bun hasn't logged in for 8 months. I'm moving this!

Bun, we'll square ya away when you come back. No worries.
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