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Old 07-26-2017, 05:44 PM   #1
Geisha
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Arechihana Rika
Kojirou Ryu

For the first time, Arechihana Rika visits the Konohagakure for a scheduled meet and greet with the Leaf Jinchuuriki, Kojirou Ryu. What begins as a therapy session of sorts ends as the beginning of a mentorship, perhaps for both of them.

Last edited by Geisha; 07-26-2017 at 06:01 PM..
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Old 07-26-2017, 05:50 PM   #2
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Claimed!!!
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Old 07-27-2017, 07:35 PM   #3
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Alright, here we go!

Overall - Edit: It's come to my attention that this was a part I so my earlier comments don't apply. Excellent job you two, I can't wait to see where this goes next!

Edit Edit: I was asked to leave some comments up but I already deleted them. Basically, try to tie a nicer bow around the ending. Everything up to it was so awesome that the ending felt super abrupt, and I wasn't clear this was a Part I of X series so I assumed the thread was done and felt disappointed.

Kap - I loved the interactions that Ryu had with the seven tails, and I think it was the best part of your work in this thread. I think you did a really nice job of holding off on leaning on the seven tails to carry the thread along until the exact moment you needed to. And you played that fact off wonderfully too, by saying he didn't concern himself with trivial matters but seemed to 'wake up' so to speak when he realized how serious Ryu and Rika's conversation was. The dialogue you had where he was parroting what the bijuu was saying too, I dug that. Nice touch on training in the middle of the village too, made Ryu seem extra smart. All in all, solid work. A few typos and omitted words but overall good job.

3 Points, take a jutsu.

Geisha - I just wanna say first off I love reading your threads and having to google words to find their meaning (d├ęcolletage? copasetic? Nice.) Some people use a thesaurus and plug and play words that don't quite fit, but you work it seamlessly. Well done. Riri was excellent here, as usual, and like Kap I did enjoy that you both let your characters shine rather than the bijuu, considering they were the main point of the thread, so to speak. I really felt Riri's will to succeed without/against Caocao at the end, which is partially why I wish the thread went a bit longer, but that's just me being selfish

I do have one quick qualm though, and it's kind of tough to describe. I felt like Rika tended to switch personalities at the drop of a hat. Like, post 9 she's incredibly analytical and matter of fact, and then post 11 she's bawling her eyes out. I get that she wears her heart on her sleeve, and it's totally good to explore a lot of different emotions in one thread. My suggestion would be just to draw a little bit of a middle ground in between for a post maybe? I don't know, that's just something I saw, take that suggestion however you wish.

At any rate, I loved it, and I love Rika. 2 Points, take a jutsu if you'd like.
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Last edited by Masked_One; 07-27-2017 at 07:54 PM..
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Old 07-27-2017, 07:54 PM   #4
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Thanks so much for rating the thread, Masked! And thanks for the critique as I was thinking the same thing. I was doing well but then got restless for a change and maybe rushed the emotion a bit.

Somewhere between her revealing that her dad was sacrificed and the breakdown, I might have done a little more holding back before the break... Im gonna work on this. Either way, 2 Points to Control and 1 Bijuu Experience Point to be added to the spoiler labeled 'Bijuu Stats'.

Thanks again!
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Old 07-27-2017, 08:34 PM   #5
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Thanks for the rating. Glad you liked the interactions. It's one of my favorite parts.

I'd like stage 2 owl summons, 1 power and 1 reserves

Can you also please bold the heading for the owl jutsu list name?
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