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Old 07-30-2017, 07:18 PM   #1
Wess
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Default [Grass/Shinshi]Fledge

Were you ever such a bad kid that your grandmother decided to marry you off in hopes of turning you into a baby-making factory so that you couldn't wreak anymore havoc on the rest of your family? Or were you ever the golden child that lived with a secret that honestly shouldn't be that big of a deal, but since you lived in a family with an overbearing grandmother insistent on the creation of babies, it became a huge deal?

Then this thread is probably the one for you! Come enjoy teenage angst fueled by wine with a surprisingly high alcohol content.

Starring Shinshi Gemmei!
And Shinshi Junichi!
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Old 07-31-2017, 01:34 AM   #2
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Drunk teenagers. Reminds me of middle school. I'll take it.
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Old 08-02-2017, 10:33 PM   #3
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I already call dibs on the wedding thread. These two characters are very engrossing. I went into this thread knowing nothing about the Shinchi except that they do weight stuff. I left with a solid understanding of their customs and clan heirarchy. All without it ever feeling expositional even for a moment. It was integrated and thoughtful.

I loved Gemmei's tenacity. The situation never felt contrived or ridiculous. A few moments were almost shark-jumping like with the assasins creed death leap for no other reason except the drama of it all. Other than that I understand she was a girl that wanted to get drunk and beat up people and she was being forced to marry off because she was a girl that wanted to get drunk and beat up people. Junge, you had some article problems, such as dropping an "a" or missing a "the." Things that don't show up on a spellcheck but cause just a little confusion. Overall, fantastic characterization. Two points to the fluff. Fantastic, engrossing, I-call-dibs-on-the-sequel fluff.

Wess, Junichi makes me homophobic. Y'all are gross and need therapy with the amount of body fluid swallowing jokes you two made. There were also a few moments where you so directly referenced what Junge had typed that it seemed... slow? It broke up the pace. BUT, you do this amazing thing that is the exact opposite as well where you skip certain parts of a person's response without referencing them, too, and when you do that, you have this mastery of not letting people get lost in piecing together what was said, but you sort of skip ahead and it allows the story to progress. Sometimes RP can become a recap of "Last Time on The Post Before" but it didn't feel that way. I'd say reference even less because it works when you do it. Just press on. As for the mid-thread domestic abuse, it didn't feel fanfiction.com bad so I guess that's good. I will say it was unexpectedly dramatic and not dramatic like most of the thread. Still, never seemed contrived or fake, so that's good. Junichi gets a z-snap formation of deuce points, WERK kween FIERCE.
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Last edited by Mizu; 08-02-2017 at 10:37 PM..
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Old 08-02-2017, 10:52 PM   #4
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Thanks for the rating!

I'll take one point in control, bringing the total to 17. And I'll also take

[1]Cataloguing (Replacing Open Slot): Intelligence 4, Tactics 4 in Global Ninjutsu.

Here's a link to that swap thread.
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Old 08-03-2017, 04:15 PM   #5
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Thanks for the rating. I'd like this technique:

Reflect http://www.narutorp.net/showthread.php?t=9803all Force
Stage Three
Chakra Coating Shield Technique [Requirements: Power 10, Control 10, Reserves 8]

Then I'd like to spend the other point on 2 WP, and redo Gemmei's items into thus:

Inventory
3 -Shield
3 -Shield
4 -Tower Shield

Should be an easy copy-paste, no formatting needed! Thanks for the edits as well.
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Old 08-03-2017, 04:42 PM   #6
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Ratings and edits done, so this can vamoose.
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